mySMAteam

What can you do when you're managing your own SMA care needs while also carrying the weight of your father's care — and your sister isn't pulling her share?

First, please know that what you're carrying right now is genuinely enormous. Managing your own attendant care needs while also coordinating your father's meals, care Show Full Answer

What can you do when you're managing your own SMA care needs while also carrying the weight of your father's care — and your sister isn't pulling her share?

First, please know that what you're carrying right now is genuinely enormous. Managing your own attendant care needs while also coordinating your father's meals, care, and wellbeing — all while navigating a difficult household dynamic — is beyond what anyone should have to handle alone. You are not overreacting.

Here are some things that may help:

- Family mediation or counseling — A neutral third party, like a family therapist or social worker, can help facilitate conversations that keep turning into arguments at home. This takes the pressure off you to "manage" your sister and creates a structured space for real problem-solving.

- A written care plan for your dad — Having clearly defined responsibilities in writing (who handles meals, appointments, cleaning) removes ambiguity and gives everyone accountability. It also protects your attendant from being pulled into tasks outside their role.

- Talk to your father's doctor or a social worker — Given your father's rapid mental decline, his care team may be able to connect you with additional support services, including home health aides specifically for him, which would reduce the burden on you entirely.

- Set firm boundaries around your attendant's role — Your attendant is there for *your* care. It may help to have something in writing that clearly outlines their responsibilities, so your sister cannot blur those lines.

- Look into respite or elder care services — Organizations that support aging adults may be able to help with transportation to appointments, which is currently the main reason you feel you can't ask your sister to leave. Living with SMA already demands so much energy — physically and emotionally. Research shows that even mild stress and emotional strain can make self-care harder, which in turn affects your health. Protecting your own wellbeing isn't selfish, it's necessary.

You deserve a household that supports you, not one that drains you further. It may also be worth speaking with a therapist yourself — not because anything is wrong with you, but because you are dealing with an extraordinary amount, and having someone in your corner just for *you* can make a real difference.

You're clearly a deeply caring person. Just don't forget to be that for yourself too.

 AI-generated responses are not a substitute for medical advice. These services are not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any condition or disease. Always ask your doctor about specific health concerns.

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